Tonight is Teddy’s fourth night in a ‘big bed’. I’m not talking a cot to cotbed transition, I’m talking full on, the cot has been dismantled and a big single bed has replaced it type of move. I feel utterly ridiculous for feeling so sad about it but it’s almost like the end of an era.
With Toby it was easy because he was my first; it was exciting, he was a sturdy toddler and I knew we’d be doing it again with Teddy, but I have no third baby to make my second look grown up like I did when we did it with Tobes. I don’t even know if that makes sense but it does to me. Teddy is, in my head, still very much my baby. He still seems so little compared to Toby and yet here he is, growing up. Quickly.
This is the same kind of feeling I had when we sold our Jumperoo. It had been with us since Toby’s first Christmas and had saved the day many a time, and my sanity a lot of the time, so I was incredibly sad to say goodbye to the ‘circle of neglect’ because it had been my saviour. And it’s the same with the cot. I feel like we’ve made so many memories in that tiny little, caged space and here we are having to say our goodbyes.
Basically I broke the bar on it – you know, the one you can unclip and lower. I did it because I kiss my boys goodnight, every night, without fail. I’m guilty of leaning over one too many times and snapping the stupid, brown, plastic bit that holds the bar up but I am just not ready to look through the crack in the door and leave them peacefully just yet. I have to go in, stroke their faces, touch their hair, tuck them in (or out, if it’s too hot) and whisper ‘n-night, I love you, sweet dreams’.
I can’t ever go to bed at night without knowing I’ve been in to see them and this time, well this time it’s to two grown up boys. I don’t think I can say I have babies anymore, I don’t even think I can get away with saying I have toddlers any more. I have two little boys. Two big boys. Two growing boys who are outgrowing all the things I felt would be around forever.
So, goodbye cot. Thank you for all the naps and nights of sleep you gave us.