What’s it like to have a toddler and a newborn?

I wrote a post when I was pregnant about what it was like to be pregnant with a toddler so I wanted to do the same now that I’ve had the baby. A short answer to the question would be that some if it’s certainly not as hard as I’d anticipated but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I was recently told that ‘challenges don’t get easier after the birth, they just get different’ and that couldn’t be more true. Obviously one child on their own can be hard enough work, though it gets easier as they get older and can do more for themselves! So to throw a newborn into the mix knowing it will completely affect your routine and there’s another little person who will be completely reliant on you again is tough going.

It’s really important to keep a level headed approach to everything, something I know I haven’t always done. Sleep deprivation will do that to you! Toby has been very ‘busy’ going about his daily activities and usually they don’t bother me but if I’ve had an awful night’s sleep he will, like a typical toddler, pick that particular day to be a little bit mischievous or to play up and that’s when I find it hard. Usually I have patience to try and reason with him, distract him, play with him and he will obviously have my full attention, but that’s so difficult if I find myself feeding Teddy. Yes I have two arms free, but it doesn’t mean I can run around after Toby to tickle him, or play football in the kitchen, or even get down on all fours and play with his cars with him. So I’ve been making extra effort to take a deep breath and not show that I’m annoyed, because I don’t want him to feel like it’s because Ted’s here, and because these are things he was doing anyway.

Having some ‘me’ time is something of a luxury. As soon as I think I’ve got 5 minutes to get dressed I hear ‘Jaaaaade.. he’s hungry again’ even though I’d only fed him 10 minutes ago. ‘Me’ time during the day is literally whenever I can grab a few minutes to myself, when Jamie is here to play with Toby while I feed Teddy or when Toby goes down for his nap. Otherwise, I have found myself counting down the minutes to bed time because I’m so mentally and physically exhausted from just having two children.

So yeah, I haven’t missed the sleepless nights. I forgot how hard they are on me and how poor I am at coping with them. Growth spurts are the worst. Teddy, I think, is having one at the moment and he’s not even going 2 hours between feeds – it’s an absolute killer. While I don’t cope well, I am managing to stay awake and alert all day, except it really hits me when Toby has gone to bed.

I’ve not been able to drive since having Teddy yet, which is infuriating because I’m such an independent person and hate having to rely on other people to cart me about, although it is nice having the extra hands when you’ve got to get two kids in and out of the car. Going out is now a full on military operation (again!) but with twice the children!

The whole thing has been emotionally wearing. The guilt I felt in the first couple of weeks after bringing Teddy home was enormous. It wasn’t helped by the fact I’d had a c-section because I couldn’t play with Toby at all, I couldn’t pick him up or do anything for him and I felt awful, especially because he didn’t understand what was happening. I shed lots of tears over that.

Despite everything, going from one to two children is much easier an adjustment than going from none to one! You know what you’re doing second time round, unless you get thrown a curveball that you don’t know how to handle. Ours for instance is Teddy’s noise. The noise we dread between 1am – 7am. He sounds like a garden strimmer and there’s no stopping it. We’ve no idea what it is or why he does it, but he does, and it’s bloody awful! Teddy seems to have settled into all of our lives really well, he just “fits”. It’s like he’s always been here and I can’t remember what it was even like without him.

The bond between Toby and Teddy grows everyday. It took around 3 weeks for Toby to realise that he was here to stay and wasn’t going back to wherever he’d come from. He now strokes his face every day, gives him random kisses and makes sure to say goodnight to him before he goes down to bed. It makes my heart burst so much.

I guess in short, what I’m trying to say is, it’s physically and mentally exhausting. You will shed so many tears, but these will be overshadowed by the second life you created, the laughter you share and the love you have as a family. It’s such hard work but we all know it’s SO worth it! Who’s ready for baby number three?

Jade x