Hello. My name is Anxiety.

Stress, fear and worry can be classic signs of anxiety, and I have to say, I have experienced every one of these since having Toby.

I suffered a lot when he was first born for at least the first 5 weeks. I’d be fine all day, and then it’d get to about 5.30pm and the feeling, that soon became familiar, came washing over me. I felt sick, I’d cry and I’d have the most irrational thoughts about what would happen to my baby. People told me that I got the feeling because it was coming up to bed time and that I was subconsciously thinking about how fractured my sleep would be. Wrong. If anything, bed time for me came as a relief, especially when I got between the sheets, because Toby was safe in his moses basket, next to me, where I could hear everything and do what I needed to do throughout the night.

Thankfully, the feelings passed and have been laid to rest. However, they recently cropped up again in another form; separation anxiety. This firstly happened when we were practically forced to move Toby into his own room since he was far too big for his moses basket, and our bedroom would have been too cramped with his cot in there. So at 11 weeks old, we bit the bullet. My other half would’ve been more than happy for him to go into his own room right away, but as a first time, breastfeeding mum, I wanted to be comfortable and not have to be up and down 10 times a night!

Recently, I had to be admitted to hospital and the best option for Toby (now 4 and a half months) was to stay at Nanny and Grandad’s house. Would they do a good job? Of course they would, but you always think that nobody knows your baby like you do, and that nobody can do as good a job as you would. Alas, the anxiety kicked in again. What if something happened to him? What if he wouldn’t stop crying and they didn’t know what to do? What if he just wanted his mum? What if, what if, what bloody if?

No chance, he hardly noticed I’d gone. Typical. And the next day, when I got to see him, I realised it’s all much ado about nothing! Despite all of my own fears, he was, of course, absolutely fine.

How did you feel when your baby came home? What about their first night away from you?

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