I can finally say I’m having a baby this week

It’s all coming to a rather bittersweet ending this week. While I will miss being pregnant just a teensy bit, I will also have one of the most precious things in my arms, rather than in my belly, finally! This pregnancy has been a lot different to my first one; a lot harder physically and lots more troublesome BUT here we are. We made it to 39 weeks and finally, I can tell myself I’m having a baby this week and I won’t see week 40.

While there is an air of excitement, I have lots of mixed emotions about it all. I had a little bit of a cry last night and I’m not really sure what set it off. Toby and I were cuddling on the sofa watching some TV before he went to bed and the realisation that he’s not going to be an only child really hit me. I’m not sure whether it was me feeling guilty, worried or both. I’m worried because I don’t want him to feel like he’s being/been replaced or that all of our attention is on the baby. I want him to be accepting and take on that big brother role, even though I know it might take some time. Just the general feeling that I might not be able to be the mummy he knows me as. Obviously, I haven’t been for a while because I can’t actually run around chasing after him or play football for very long, and I won’t be able to for a few more weeks yet, especially since I’m having a section. But it’s hard to explain to him that I am still his mummy, and always will be, and he will never be replaced or forgotten about and that I will be able to chase him around the garden soon enough.

One night this week Toby will be off to stay with his Nanny and Pop while Jamie and I prepare to go to sleep for the last time as parents of one. I already hate the fact that I probably won’t be the one to put him down to bed and kiss him goodnight and I might not see him for a day or two as it completely depends on how the hospital stay is going. But, we are giving him one of the best gifts of all, a little brother to annoy and one who, I’m sure, will annoy him back as they grow older.

The second thing that worries me is the dreaded anxiety I had when Toby was born. I never needed to see a GP or take medication because it went as quick as it came (only lasted about 5 weeks) but it was horrendous. Just the feeling of dread that came over me out of nowhere at the same time every day and made me cry. I just don’t want it to happen again. While I know what to expect, more or less, from a baby, it doesn’t mean that any two are the same.

I’m ready to take on the challenge of two and as a lovely lady told me today, “remember 1 to 2 is not as challenging as going from 0 to 1!” – and she’s right. I expect to at least half know what I’m doing, even if I don’t feel half ready. So ladies and gents, keep an eye out for the announcement and just to tide you over.. here’s a picture of a brand new baby Toby when he was born…

Jade x