During both of my pregnancies we found out the sex of the baby – both were boys! However, when I was pregnant with Ted and we’d found out he was a boy, the sympathy in some peoples’ voices was almost pathetic. “Ahh, do you wish you were having a girl?” or “I bet Jamie’s really happy”. Well, yeah, sure he is, but I am too! A simple “congratulations” would’ve been fine.
Growing up I always had a vision of my family; a gorgeous husband that I’d swoon over and three children. For some reason, three has always been the magic number. I don’t feel that two is quite enough, but that four would be just one too many. I just never expected to be met with, quite frankly, unkind and rude remarks from both friends and strangers just because I was having two boys with no girl in the middle, and with no plans to rectify it by having a third baby and trying for a girl. Shock bloody horror. It kind of makes me want to punch people for being so insensitive to a woman who is pregnant and hormonal and to make me feel that I’m inferior or inadequate because I don’t have a daughter.
Now that Ted is 14 months old I’m getting quite a lot of people ask me “ooh, are you going to have another one soon then?” I’m honest and say that we haven’t really decided yet and I’m happy with the way our family is right now. But that’s usually followed up with “yeah you will, I bet you’ll try for a girl”.
Number one, we haven’t even decided if we’re even going to have a third child yet, and can’t really agree anyway. And number two, why would I want to “try” for a specific gender? Surely the whole idea of trying for a baby is that you get just that, a baby. Gender, for me, shouldn’t and isn’t even part of the thought process.
Now I’m not having a go at those that genuinely do want to try for specific sexes because there are those who will try to conceive at certain times and eat only specific foods, for example, to ensure they have the best possible chance of conceiving a particular gender, but that’s not really for me.
But I’m literally just over being told, or having it suggested to me, over and over again, that I should feel like two little winkies are inadequate or a disappointment in general. Like my family is totally imperfect and incomplete without another vagina round the house. Would it be super lovely for me to have a girl? Sure! Would it be lovely to have the experience of raising “one of each”? Of course. But would I be disappointed if we did decide to try for a third and end up with another boy? No.
I’ve never had a great relationship with my own mum and part of me wants to be able to give what I didn’t have to a daughter, but will I think about it day after day if I don’t have a little girl? No. I’m not going to turn out to be this seriously weird old lady who does loads of random internet shopping and who drinks vat loads of tea just because I don’t have a daughter. What’s the worst I’m going to miss out on by not having a girl? Not buying a prom dress? The whole period talk? Because, well.. that’s not really a milestone achievement.
By far some of the most rubbish things I’ve heard are those phrases about boys abandoning their mothers when they have wives of their own, or that the best things in life are daughters. No they’re not. Toby and Teddy, I know, are going to grow up to be my bestest buds, and that would happen whether they were my daughters, or my sons! Do you know what else annoys me? When I’m told they need a sister to soften them up, or a little sister to protect. No they don’t NEED that at all, it might be nice for them to have it, but it isn’t necessary at all.
A baby is a baby. A gift, a blessing, an extra little pain in the butt, but a baby nonetheless. People think that I’m disappointed with having two boys and I’m not. I’ve never been what people would call a “girly girl”; I’m rubbish at make up and can’t do much with my hair past a ponytail, I’m not really sure I’d even know what to do with a girl even though I’m one myself, they’re a whole different ball game. But what I do know is that Toby and Teddy are the lights of my life and their gender doesn’t even come into it.