What I wish I’d known before giving birth – the first time!

Ever sat back and wondered what you’d have like to have known before giving birth? I’ve been through it once and, as you my know, won’t be going through it ever again (not out of choice, mind). But it doesn’t stop me thinking about what I didn’t know about.

First up, I’ll be honest. Your vagina will never be the same again, and if it does go back – you’re lucky. I was naive enough to think that after it stretching to fit something the size of a small watermelon out, as well as having an episiotomy, that it might look somewhat normal. It didn’t, and still doesn’t – unless you fancy paying for a designer vagina of course.

Everyone says that having a baby completely changes your life – and it does, they weren’t lying. However, you’ll also get those that tell you your baby should fit in around your existing routine/schedule/social life. This does not happen. The only thing you’ll be trying to fit in is some sleep, when your baby’s sleeping too. You won’t be going out partying and coming in at all hours because you’ll be having a milk and poo party every 2-3 hours. If you want to see your friends, try and get them to come and see you instead unless, of course, you want to plan a near military operation to get you and the baby out!

I went from partying.. to prying my eyes open

 

Lady, put down your handbag and pick up the changing bag. It will be overflowing and packed for every eventuality at least 3 times over. Make sure you find a practical one, not a fashionable one because it will be well used, and stuffed!

As early as you can, take all the help that’s offered because it doesn’t last. People promise you their babysitting services when the baby is a newborn but as soon as the novelty has worn off, I’m sorry to say that people aren’t totally interested in helping out or even coming round to see you.

Give baby groups a go! I didn’t start taking Toby until he was around 6 months old and I wish I’d taken him sooner. It’s a good reason for you to get out of the house and they get so much out of it too. There’s nothing like a bit of adult conversation with the other mums and dads. Non-parents tend to be more bored and less understanding when it comes to your new found role as a parent, so to be surrounded by people who are in the same boat as you is good. And you’ll make some new friends over that cup of tea. Speaking of which, if yours has gone cold at home, which it will, make a fresh one. Reheated, microwaved tea is bloody awful!

You’re going to get pooed and sicked on. A lot. And you won’t think it’s gross. Jamie and I couldn’t stop laughing when Toby used me as a nappy for the first time. We thought it was the cutest thing in the world, called him a little rascal and just carried on getting him changed before I went to go and get clean.

Breastfeeding is seriously hard work. It is constant. The most difficult time for me was the 3rd day; Toby  wouldn’t get off me, and I think I’d had about 2 hours break in a 24 hour period. I ended up crying on the phone to the midwife who assured me it was completely normal. And the next day my milk came in and it was plain sailing from then on – albeit sleep deprived.

You will be unbelievably tired, but it does get easier (did I really just say that?). We were lucky in that Toby slept through the night from 11 weeks old, and that was in his own room too. Looking back though, those 11 weeks he didn’t sleep through were like torture – I am NOT good with sleep deprivation! You will kind of just run and function of baby adrenaline though. Because everything is new you don’t actually mind being away to do it. Just try and let the other half do a night feed or two during the week if you can.

Stay true to how YOU feel and trust YOUR instincts. Don’t do something differently just because someone told you it was the right thing for them. You are the parent, not your friends or mum, sister, auntie, mum in law or nan! You don’t need them chipping away at you, so don’t be afraid to tell them if their advice isn’t wanted. You can blame the hormones if you snap back, or listen to what they have to say and you use the advice as you like.

Baby’s will hit their milestones in their own time, not when your best friend’s baby does. Some babies walk before they talk, others will talk before they walk. We used an app called ‘The Wonder Weeks’ which gives you an idea of the things your baby will be learning at different ages. It tells you when they’ll be going through a stormy period so you know when to expect them to be a bit more grumpy than usual. It just goes to show a skill that he’s learned months ago sometimes doesn’t show straight away.

Remember Dads are new to this too. It’s a whole new world for them, as well as you. Let them make mistakes, because you will too, so instead of getting frustrated with them, help them out! Show them, teach them, talk them through it and be patient. I was super lucky that I had a professional nappy changer on my hands without him ever having done one before – he’s better than me, but I don’t tell him that). Encourage rather than criticise if it’s not done ‘your’ way. He’s more likely to help you out later, rather than letting you do it all for fear of getting moaned at!

Finally, motherhood is the best thing ever. All those who bitch and moan who say you should wait until you’ve had a life, got a career, travel the world and be financially stable – two fingers up to you! Being a mum is, by far, the most amazing experience I have ever had and I got to start my journey at 23. You’ll start yours at 35 when I’ll be travelling and exploring the world with my family, still drinking a nice strawberry daiquiri by the pool mind, and the kids will love it too. There is no ‘right time’ to have kids. For me, the ‘right time’ was now. I love it more than anything.

If you find yourself having a pretty crap day, don’t worry, we’ve all been there and we’ll be back! Here’s my message to you. 

Jade x